Nigerian politics has long since been known as a game of musical chairs in which the same participants simply swap seats or governors go and come back. These days it’s difficult to decide whether Ekiti State is moving forwards, backwards, or just going round in circles. Their recently “concluded” governorship elections whose results are bound to be contested in Court, mirrors everything that is wrong with Nigerian politics. Elections and the drama surrounding them has become a pain in the neck for most Nigerians. It’s increasingly apparent that the Nigerian electorate isn’t interested in long term development, rather they simply settle for immediate gratification. Knowing this full well Nigerian leaders don’t care that the people live below the poverty line, they smugly wait for elections and buy votes for five thousand Naira or less.
Kayode Fayemi the announced winner and former governor who has returned to look for whatever he forgot in government house, even went as far as giving out Brazilian hair weave-on! Billions of Naira which aren’t available for infrastructural development or payment of workers’ salaries and pensions were used to induce voters. It’s painful that Ekiti has proved once again that poverty is a major tool in winning elections in Nigeria. Politicians know that if they are able to share money to the poor they can make them vote against their own interests. It’s also painful that the election was the most coordinated security operation witnessed in recent times.
Legions of policemen and security agents who for reasons best known to the authorities are never available for operations in the North East or Middle Belt where mass murder is a daily occurrence were mobilised for a political prize. Essentially the All Progressives Congress (APC) won because they brought more stomach infrastructure to the table. Neither they nor the People’s Democratic Party (PDP) has any discernible manifesto or laudable programme for the State and neither of the two main candidates bothered to attend the governorship election debates.
The coalition of observer groups and civil society organisations condemned the election claiming that the result does not reflect what they saw on ground and that the security agencies and electoral commission were used to short-change the people and massively rig the ballot. Ekiti also highlighted once again the frailty of our politicians’ necks. If there is one thing Nigerians agree on about their political leaders it’s that they can be identified by the shape of their necks or indeed lack of one.
Those leaders who are overweight display the complete absence of a neck and their heads appear to be firmly stuck to their shoulders. Those political leaders who do have necks can be identified by the “tozo” on the back of the neck. Tozo comes from the hump on the back of a cows’ neck. A quick glance at the anatomy of both leaders of the two houses of the national assembly will reveal good examples of these types of necks. Although a person’s neck is simply part of their anatomy and nobody can be blamed for the shape of their body, what is interesting is that these leaders never stick out their well-proportioned necks for anyone other than themselves.
Experts in physical anatomy claim that people with extended stomachs who experience any sort of physical attack generally feel the pain in the stomach or back when they try to absorb the impact of the fall. However with Nigerian politicians the opposite seems to be the case. Perhaps in an attempt to guard their over developed stomachs they prefer to damage their necks. Doctors point out that neck injuries are usually the result of motor accidents, or falling on the head. Nigerian politicians sustain neck injuries at the slightest provocation.
In recent times Olisah Metuh, Dino Melaye and Ekiti Governor Ayodele Fayose have all exhibited neck braces claiming some sort of neck injury. Fayose’s case was the most outlandish of all. Quite apart from the fact that his neck brace was being worn upside down, he also wore an arm sling. Even the most ignorant medical practitioner knows that the sole purpose of an arm sling is to take pressure off the arm and transfer it to the neck. It simply doesn’t make sense to put an arm sling on a patient with a neck problem! Fayose could of course be forgiven after all there is no gainsaying the calibre of doctors our medical schools produce these days!
Quite apart from perennially experiencing pains in their necks, the Nigerian political class have been a pain in the neck of the populace since 1999. There is little hope for any meaningful change. Having reduced politics to the type of endeavour where decent people avoid participation they have cornered political office for themselves in their never ending game of musical chairs.
